Is there interest in something like find-your-bdsm-partner?


There was a tumblr called “find-your-bdsm-partner” floating around for awhile that let folks put up ads for who they were looking for, etc. It seems to have vanished.

Is there much interest in something like this? I was thinking of starting something similar up to fill the gap if there is.

Sure, I’ll reblog this to my poly blog because it isn’t sexually explicit and I know a lot of poly people are both a) kinky, and b) interested in connecting with partners online.

Just seeing if there is much interest - I don’t think that find-your-bdsm-partner thing died due to lack of interest, but I could be wrong.

Not getting lazy on communication

It is always tempting to start getting lazy on communication, especially after you’ve been with someone for awhile and have worked out most the kinks. Even the easiest communication still requires some effort, and humans get lazy about the silliest things.

It is important to put in that constant low-level effort. And to validate such.

I tend to play around with people a lot online. I love cybersex, I run a sex blog, and it is definitely a thing for me. My primary partner and I decided awhile ago that she didn’t particularly need to know every time I dirty talked with someone new online, but that if it went anything further than that I should let her know.

Now recently, things started towards voice communication/exchange of audio kind of situation with this amazingly lovely woman I’d been chatting with for a long time.

And, y’know, I know my primary partner wouldn’t actually mind at all. That I’d mention it, she’d say “Cool”, and have very little comment except to thank me for telling her and move on.

So I did, and that was exactly what happened, and we continued on with dinner.

But I still find that type of thing difficult - in part because it seems silly to tell someone it is so trivial.* But, of course, keeping up that constant effort of low level communication is pretty critical.

If only because you don’t want the only time you talk about your relationship and the other people in your lives to be times when it is a Big Fucking Deal. That leads down a bad path, usually accompanied by a lot of drama and lots of use of the word “Processing”.

Just because something isn’t a Big Deal doesn’t mean it doesn’t take effort to do, and that such effort isn’t essential in the long run anyways.

Just ask anyone who has ever lived with a partner who doesn’t do the dishes. ;)

* I also find it hard to mention my interest in others because of the insecurity where I’m afraid I’ll be mocked for expressing interest in women. I’ll still ramble out disclaimers to the effect of “Oh, yeah, she’s totally cute - but don’t worry, I don’t think she’d be interested! I’m not so egotistical and uppity to believe she might be even potentially attracted to me!" But that’s a whole separate issue and (hopefully) less generalizable.

We assume others show love the same way we do — and if they don’t, we worry it’s not there.

- Anonymous (via psych-facts)



You kinda need a face page for this

(I’ll be honest, the reason I’m reblogging this to my polyamory blog is because I haven’t posted anything here for a long time…and because there are so many of my followers on this blog I’d date so very hard :) )

Sep 6

I’ve had snapchat for like a week now…


And no random dickpics.

Note: This is certainly not a complaint. I am not requesting dick pics (and if I was, I’d do it on my sex blog not here anyways), I’ve just been adding people fairly randomly and that seemed to be a hazard (though Vi has been using it for ages and hasn’t had any problems like that I guess).

Anyway, if you send me your snapchat (or kik) I will probably add you. Going well thus far, but slow.

Sep 3

(Source: polyamorouslife)

Sep 2

Just my occasional reminder to folks that although I don’t post here nearly as often as I should, I do post more often on both my main blog and my sex blog.

Sep 2

Reblog if you’re polyamorous


(Source: ayellowbirds)

So I have a smartphone now


Finally, eh?

Anyways, if you are one of those people who have asked if I have snap chat or like or the like, now I do.

I won’t post my information publicly, but if you ask me in private and I know you (or you just seem nice), I will likely add you. ☺

How do I know if I’m poly?

Someone wrote me asking, more or less, the classic “How did you know you were poly?” question. I answered them privately since I wasn’t sure if they wanted me to post their url publicly, but I figured I’d share my response with you guys even if I don’t share the question.

I think the key knowing if you can do poly (I don’t, personally, think most people are mono or are poly - they are more like skillsets: some folks have talent for it, others have to work at acquiring, and both have various reasons to make them appealing) is asking yourself what you think about your girlfriend or boyfriend or whatever being with people other than you?

The vast majority of folks on the planet would probably find the notion of having more than one partner appealing, even if for practical reasons it wouldn’t work out.

The real question is whether you find the notion of your partner having more than one partner appealing. Not necessarily on a sexual level or anything like that, but instead if there is part of you going “Yeah, I don’t want my partner to feel (s)he has to be limited to only me!”

Just remember - the vast majority of polyamorous relationships don’t work out…but, then, the vast majority of monogamous relationships don’t work out, either. It is way more about figuring out what works for an individual relationship than what works overall, because every connection is different - even if at the same time all your relationships have you in common.